TERMS TO ADD TO YOUR VOCABULARY FOR THE 2001 OFFICE
 
 BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group discussing
 why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who is
 responsible.
 
 SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager, who flies in, makes a lot
 of noise, craps over everything and then leaves.
 
 SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day
 swimming upstream, only to get screwed and die in the end.
 
 CLM - Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to
 describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss
 while he or she is within earshot is a huge CLM.
 
 OHNO-SECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which
 you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
 
 PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the
 crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
 
 UMFRIEND - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a
 concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is
 Bridget, my ... um, friend."
 
 BODY NAZIS: Hard-core exercise and weightlifting
 fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.
 
 CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
 
 IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always seem to have their
 idea generators running.
 
 MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer
 to the Couch Potato.
 
 PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something
 loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the
 walls to see what's going on.
 
 SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have
 children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
 Stands for: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
 
 SQUIRT THE BIRD: To transmit a signal to a satellite.
 
 STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that
 ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
 
 STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being
 stressed out and whiny.
 
 SWIPED OUT: An ATM or credit card that has been
 rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from
 extensive use.
 
 TOURISTS: People who take training classes just to get
 a vacation from their jobs. Example: "We had three
 serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."
 
 GOING POSTAL: Euphemism for being totally stressed
 out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track
 record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting
 rampages.
 
 CHIPS AND SALSA - Chips = hardware, salsa = software.
 i.e.:  "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in
 your chips or your salsa."
 
 G.O.O.D. Job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying
 job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that
 they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.
 
 IRRITAINMENT - Entertainment and media spectacles that
 are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching
 them. The O.J. trials, Ally McBeal, Monica Lewinsky, etc.
 
 DEINSTALLED - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the
 voice mail of a Vice President at a downsizing computer
 firm: "You have  reached the number of a deinstalled vice president.
 Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance.
 
 VULCAN NERVE PINCH - The taxing hand position required
 to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands.
 For instance, the warm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves
 simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key, the
 Return key and the Power On key.  Sometimes referred to
 as the "THREE-FINGERED SALUTE."
 
 YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed
 out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the
 bill after a meal: "We owe $8 each, but all anybody's got are
 yuppie food stamps."
 
 ASSMOSIS - The process by which some people seem to
 absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.